Tuesday blues

IMG_0430It’s been one of these mornings. You know, the ones that make you wish you would have stayed in bed. The ones that can only be countered by the act of riding aimlessly through the city, reclaiming your soul, your humanity in the process. And yet you don’t because you’re stuck at work. Yeah, it’s been one of these mornings…

How come everyone seems to have the courage to walk their own way while I walk in the middle of the fucking main stream? I, who usually possess at least some courage, having done a lot of stuff in my life, am now confined to the cell of my own mind. My heart tells me to drop everything, grab my wife by her waist, put her on the bike and head south to start a new life by the Mediterranean. But no, because that would take balls, something I currently seem to lack.

Is that why I ride? A reoccurring thought. Is that why I ride, sometimes a bit reckless, to feel alive? Why did I go on that deployment abroad and why did I feel the need to expose myself to risks I don’t have to? And why do it again…?

While having a job, even a life, that many would envy, I still feel lost except when I’m working on my bikes or even better, riding the bastards. I guess I’m still suffering from the repercussions of having seen “Who the fuck is El Solitario” and realizing that I have the same kind of spirit but not the same ability to throw myself into the lifestream and enjoy the swim. I am stuck at the shore, dipping my toes into adventure while trying to convince myself that this is more me. But it’s not.

I want to grow my beard longer, get cheap looking tattoos, ride without safety gear and don’t give a fuck about what the world thinks of me. Live life in the fast lane. Instead I’m stuck in traffic as life passes by…

* Photo taken in the end of February. I believe I was happy that day…